to breath

In my darkest moments
When the air around me
Becomes to thick to breath

I sit there
With my eyes closed
Feeling the tears
Well up behind my eyes

Tears that have
Rarely seen the light
Of day

Sitting there I think
As I have
For far too long now

How would my death affect others
Would they be sad
Would they be mad
Would they be confused
Would they wish they never had meet me
So they would not have to care

I know some would feel pain
If I was lost
To this world

Yet still I wonder
If those who would
Feel that pain

Could they live
One day with my pain
The pain that has been
The back drop
To my life for so long
That without it
I am lost

For I know it would hurt others
If I was to be gone
But it hurts me

To open my eyes each day
To close them each night
To the door into the world
To sit in my room and continue to breath

I want this pain to be gone
I want to breath
I want to cry
And I want to feel
Something other then pain
For more then a few seconds